Shy bladder before college: I won't waste four more years

I’m about to start university, and I’ve made one decision. I’m not spending these years at home like I spent high school.

I’ve had shy bladder since I was small and it never got better. I’m not an anxious person, noise is what gets me. If I can hear anyone, or they can hear me, nothing happens, and some days that’s true even at home.

In high school I never went on trips, never joined a club, and stayed out three hours at most. Teachers got annoyed when I skipped after-school study. My last class every day was at the end, and I learned nothing in it.

Once I sat through sixteen hours of travel without going. Zero out of ten. Since then I’ve dried myself out before trips, which I know isn’t smart, and I want to stop needing it.

What I’m doing about college

I need a single room with its own bathroom. Those exist where I live and my parents can pay, but it makes me angry that I don’t really have a choice.

Ten years of trying hasn’t fixed this, so for public places where I can’t pee, I’m planning on catheters. I want trips with friends, nights out, a summer travelling around Europe. Maybe someday I’ll use one all the time, but that’s for later.

Someone who’s done it told me different catheters feel different, so it’s worth trying a few. Theirs didn’t hurt, though the bladder muscle ached for a few days after.

I’m not teaching myself from a video. I want a doctor or nurse to show me the technique first, and if I get pain or any sign of infection I’m going straight back to a doctor.

My parents and doctor know. The doctor sent me to one therapist, who said keep trying. Mum and Dad say holding on is unhealthy, which stings, though they do get now that this isn’t just a teenage phase. I’m also starting hormones soon, which apparently means more pee. Great.