Shy bladder controlled my job choices for 32 years

I’ve had shy bladder since I was about eight, so somewhere around thirty two years now. It quietly runs every job decision I make. Before I even look at the pay, I’m scoping out the bathroom situation.

For fifteen years I’ve worked maintenance at an auto parts plant, and I found the one bathroom in the building that felt workable. A big room, urinals down a long wall, an air duct rattling on one side and a metal cutter humming through the wall on the other. That noise gave me cover. This year there was talk the plant might close, and losing that bathroom scared me more than losing the paycheck.

That fear is what finally got me moving.

What I started doing

I ranked situations from easiest to hardest, noise, distance, how many stalls were full, and sat with one level for a week or two before pushing further. Started on the loud side of the room even with someone in a stall behind me.

Walking up, I’d breathe out slow so I arrived already a bit out of breath, which seemed to help the urge along. I only do that on the way in, standing still, never holding my breath once I’m actually there, and if anyone’s got heart or breathing issues it’s worth checking with a doctor first.

I also talked back to the anxious thoughts instead of fighting them, thanked them for trying to protect me, then replayed them in a dumb voice until they lost some weight. Other days I’d just get stubborn in my head and tell myself I could go anywhere, mostly to drown out the panic.

I only tried when the urge was already strong, six or seven out of ten, and afterward I made myself drop it instead of replaying how it went.

Two months in, I’ve made more headway than in the last thirty years put together. Not every day works out. But at least now it’s something I’m actually working on, not just quietly avoiding.