Shy bladder and IBS: my first sleepover at a friend's flat

I’ve had a shy bladder since I was about nine, and I also have IBS, so bathrooms in general are a bit of a mess for me. I’m in my early twenties now and I’ve spent years stressing about it. Social situations are my biggest trigger.

So when a friend asked me to stay over at their flat with only two days’ notice, I said yes before my brain could argue. Then my heart started racing. I’d known the couple for about a year and a half, and they had no idea about my paruresis. Hardly anyone does.

Time alone first

Their place was small, with the bathroom right off the main room. They showed me round and then had to go out for a couple of hours, which felt like a gift. I used the bathroom a few times to get used to it. I cried a bit and felt sick with nerves, but I got through it.

The night itself

When they got back the mood was easy. We cooked pasta and watched a film. Both of them dozed off at different points, and I thought about trying then, but I didn’t want to wake them.

After the film we were all sleepy, so I went in and peed. Friends about two metres from the door, and it was a breeze. I stood there almost laughing with relief.

Earlier that day, in a busier public toilet, it hadn’t gone nearly as well. I think the relaxed feel of their home made the difference. I went again the next morning while one of them was still asleep, nice and quiet. It would have been much harder if someone had been waiting outside or talking to me through the door.

I haven’t beaten this. Travel is still my worst nightmare, and I still can’t pee when someone is right outside listening. But a sleepover was one of my nightmares too, and I did it. Maybe I can spend more evenings at their place and build up from there.