Shy bladder in women: 30 years of only going at home

I’ve had a shy bladder for thirty years, and for most of that time I thought I’d found a workaround. Public toilets in shopping centres were my safe ones. Strangers everywhere, nobody who knew me, and somehow that worked. A friend’s house? Never once.

Then lockdown came and I stayed away from public toilets for about two years. When things reopened I walked into the sort of place I’d used a hundred times and nothing happened. Now I can only go at home.

What people get wrong

People hear that I can’t pee in public restrooms and assume I’m worried about germs or being heard. It’s neither. It’s the fear that I won’t be able to go, and that fear is what shuts everything down. Number twos are fine, by the way. Only the one thing.

I also need silence. If there’s music coming out of a speaker in the toilet itself, I can’t concentrate at all.

What I’ve tried

I live with my mum and look after her, so I don’t have to leave the house for a job right now. But I miss meeting a friend for coffee without feeling uncomfortable the whole hour. I’m a sociable person, and this keeps taking that away.

Years ago I saw a free counselling therapist. He was lovely, but we only ever talked and talked about it, and nothing shifted. He called it a phobia, which honestly fits.

A few weeks ago I finally told my doctor. She said she’d never met a case this severe, which was a strange thing to hear. She started me on a very low dose of a tablet for anxiety. I feel no change yet, but I’m told it can take about six weeks, so I’m waiting.

I’m still waiting, and I still want that coffee.