Shy bladder at 59: it got worse and I ended up with a catheter

I’m 59, married almost thirty years, and I’ve had a shy bladder since long before I knew it had a name. At home, alone in my own bathroom, it has never once given me trouble. Anywhere else, every visit is a gamble.

Over the years doctors checked my prostate and everything around it, and they never found a cause. I felt isolated and ashamed, since nobody could say what was wrong with me. Later I read enough to understand it was a real condition called paruresis, not just being bashful.

So I built my life around it. I skipped social events, worried about where I’d pee. Before a trip I barely drink, just small sips of water, because planes, trains and buses are impossible for me. I know that’s no way to live, and anyone with heart or kidney problems should ask a doctor before cutting back on fluids like I do.

The last three weeks

Then it got much worse. I ended up in the ER, where they put in a catheter and said a urine infection was behind the retention. I finished a week of antibiotics and had the catheter removed, but I’m still having big problems.

I’m angry at myself, because it gets in the way of my whole day. My wife is understanding. She tells me to calm down and stop thinking about it, and I know she means well, but I can’t switch it off like that. Right now I need to go, and I also know that once I try, I’ll tense up and the pressure will get worse.

Lately I’ve been drinking more water because I’m scared of the bladder pain, and now I wonder if I’m getting the amount right. Today was a little easier, so maybe the infection is still settling. I wanted a urologist to rule out an enlarged prostate, but there’s nothing available for months.

On Thursday I’m seeing a hypnotherapist. Other people have pointed me toward graduated exposure and maybe a workshop, so I’m reading about that too. Tonight I’m still tense and fed up, and I’d really like to hear from anyone who has been here and found a way through.