My shy bladder win in a quiet grocery store restroom

I stopped at the grocery store near my house on a Saturday morning for bread and a few other things. The urge hit by the cereal aisle, so I headed for the men’s room at the back. It’s small and quiet, two urinals and two stalls, and I picked it on purpose. Quiet rooms have always been my hardest test with shy bladder.

A man was already at one urinal. I stepped up to the other, heart doing its usual thing, and he started to pee, loud and proud, like a tap turned on full. I thought, fine, let’s make it a duet. And I went too.

He finished just before me. We washed our hands side by side, nobody said a word, and I walked out right behind him. Nobody acknowledges anybody in there, and for once I loved that.

What got me was how ordinary it felt. Recovery from paruresis means more than peeing wherever I need to. It also means feeling normal, just another guy in the room.

How I got here

I learned graduated exposure at a workshop, then started visiting public restrooms every day. I began with the easy, low-risk ones and moved up slowly. Early on there were lots of misfires, so I made myself notice the wins and build on those.

For a while I carried a catheter as a backup in case I got stuck with no easy way out. That’s only something to do if a doctor recommends it and guides you. Later I switched to breath-holding as my backup. I do it sitting down, never while driving, and anyone with heart, breathing or kidney problems should ask a doctor first.

The first three years were full of ups and downs. After that it settled into steady, slow progress. There are no quick fixes.

If you’re putting off starting because you’re not sure it’s even possible, I hope today’s little win gives you a push.