Shy bladder and the bathroom sign photos my wife keeps sending

My wife and daughter are away on separate trips this week, which has never happened before. The house is quiet except for my phone, which keeps buzzing with photos of bathroom signs. My wife is travelling with an old friend, and every time they spot a funny one, I get a picture. The best so far was a sign on a stall door telling people to stay seated until the show was over.

I laugh, because it is funny. I’m not upset with her, and she has no idea how it lands. But with a shy bladder, every photo is a small reminder, and I picture the two of them in side-by-side stalls, starting and finishing together, chatting through the wall.

Then my daughter texted from her school trip. The bus had stopped for a bathroom break, and she said the toilets were really nice. That was all it took, and I was back in every group outing I’ve ever sat through.

What I used to do

I had two moves. I either waited and slipped away later when nobody would notice, or I gave everyone a thirty second head start and ducked into a stall, hoping no one saw me go in. Either way my mind was on the door, because I can’t pee when someone might hear.

Part of me wants to take forever next time, just to watch the whole group stand around waiting. It’s a petty daydream, but it makes me smile. I do have a quiet streak anyway. On family holidays I often wander off alone, and not all of that is my bladder. Some of it is just me.

I started typing a text to my daughter saying I hate public bathrooms and group breaks. Then I remembered her grandparents were on the same thread, and half my wife’s family would read it. I deleted the whole thing.

Someone once told me family should know, and that a condition like this isn’t a sin. I want to believe that. For now I’m still working on it, mostly in silence, with a phone full of bathroom signs.