Urinal anxiety and the fear of being looked at

There’s a side of shy bladder I almost never hear anyone mention, probably because it’s awkward to say out loud. For me the trouble at a urinal has two layers. One is the fear that someone will notice I can’t go. The other one is harder to admit: the fear that someone will actually look at me.

A urinal puts you in a strange spot. A stranger can stand right next to you, often with no divider, while people walk back and forth behind you. If you already feel self-conscious about your body, and yes, I mean down there too, your mind stops being on peeing. It’s on whether you’re being seen and judged.

What gets me is how fast the two fears feed each other. I notice the guy next to me. Then I notice my own body. Then I wonder if he’s glancing over. Then I realise nothing is happening yet, and I wonder if he’s noticed that as well. By then something my body should do on autopilot has my full attention.

Crowds work both ways

You’d expect a busier restroom to always be worse. I’m not sure it is. When it’s packed, nobody cares about anyone, everyone is in a hurry, and I can almost disappear. In a quiet bathroom with just one other man, I feel far more on display. I think body insecurity is part of what makes the difference.

Which fear is it, really?

Dividers help me. A stall helps even more, and if I’m honest, part of the reason is that nobody can see me, not only that nobody can tell whether I’m going.

So here’s the question I keep asking myself. If I knew for certain nobody could see my body, but they could still hear me, would it be easier? I suspect it would.

Fear of people nearby, fear of being heard, fear of not being able to go, fear of being looked at. From the outside they sound like one thing. Standing there, they feel completely different.

If the being seen part sounds familiar, you’re far from the only one. Most of us just never bring it up.