Shy bladder at a football stadium: 40 seconds that changed things

I’ve had a shy bladder for about twenty years. In my teens it was so bad that I couldn’t go in a public restroom even when I was the only one in there. Only my own house or a relative’s worked.

Over time it got better. Empty bathrooms stopped bothering me, and lately I can use a urinal with men standing on both sides. I didn’t expect the real test to come at a football game.

Halftime

My sister invited me along with her fiancé and a few friends, and I said yes straight away. I’m aiming to join the military this year, so I’ve decided to deal with this properly.

At halftime the whole stadium seemed to pour into one restroom. Hundreds of guys, shoulder to shoulder, loud, smelling of beer and wet concrete. I got into a stall with maybe fifty men queuing for it. About forty seconds later, I was going.

That’s about the hardest setting I can picture, and it worked. I stood there afterwards feeling ridiculously pleased, like I’d won something.

How I got here

I only started structured practice five weeks ago. I walk into busy restrooms on purpose and I stay. Early tries often end with nothing, and that still counts. The point is not bolting when someone walks in.

I think of it as undoing a link my brain built over years, between needing to pee and feeling in danger. Nobody in there is watching, even though it never feels that way. It’s slow, but it doesn’t take as long to undo as it took to build.

Using a urinal with someone right beside me is the next step. I’m still nervous about it, but I’m not afraid of it like I used to be. If you can’t pee in public restrooms at all right now, I was you.